Queensland: Australia’s Sunshine State. You would think that living in one of the northern parts of our sunburnt country that I would be used to the heat and rejoice come Summertime.
You would be wrong.
For someone like me, whose complexion resembles that of a speckled white marble bench top, Summer is definitely not one of my favourite seasons. If you’ve somehow lost track of time and aren’t already aware that December is upon us, I thought I’d jog your memory with some signs that Summer’s heat wrath has come Queensland’s way.
1. You quickly learn how to drive with the tips of your index fingers
Those black leather steering wheel covers your mum made you put in your car will become the hottest surface known to man after they’ve been sitting in direct sunlight during the middle of the day.
2. You get really friendly with any acquaintance who happens to have a pool in their backyard
You might have forgotten to invite them to your birthday party, but Carly from across the street is going to become your new best friend with the amount of times you try to bring a peace offering of wine and cheese in return for a dip in her backyard oasis.
3. You may as well bring a picnic with you to survive the traffic from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on a Saturday morning
Anyone who lives anywhere near here will understand the headache of the M1 Southbound on a good beach day.
4. You become very familiar with either sunscreen or aloe vera gel
If you reckon your skin is tough enough to endure the Queensland sun in peak sunburn territory, I can guarantee that you and aloe vera gel are going to have a very close relationship this Summer.
5. Everyone’s favourite eight-legged creepy-crawly comes out to play
Once it starts heating up, my backyard seems to become prime real estate for spiders. I walk through a web at least twice a day and it is not a pleasant feeling.
6. It becomes acceptable to stand in front of your open fridge to cool down
I frequently take longer than I need to find items in my fridge just so I can stay enveloped in its cool clutches for even a couple more seconds. This is an especially good tip for when your aircon (a.k.a. the Summer lifeline) isn’t working.
7. Bikini tops and singlets are a common item of clothing
It wouldn’t be Summer in Queensland if you didn’t see gorgeously tanned girls in teeny-weenie bikinis and mullet-clad lads in Bin Tang singlets walking around like it’s nobody’s business.
8. You have to avoid walking on any concrete surface or you risk sacrificing the bottom of your feet to the Summer overlords
The entirety of the pathway from my front stairs to the garage door is concrete, so I’ve become accustomed to doing a mad dash over the ground whose temperature is akin to that of lava.
9. Showering becomes almost pointless
By the time you finish drying yourself off, you’re just as sweaty as you were before you got in the shower in the first place.
10. The ice in the esky has a dual purpose
Not only will it keep your drink nice and cold, you can hold chunks of it against the back of your neck or your forehead to cool you down (if you don’t mind getting a little bit wet in the process, of course).
11. There’s nothing like the sweet relief of a Zooper Dooper on a scorcher of a day
These flavoured sticks of icy goodness have been a crowd favourite since I was a child and if you think that Space Pineapple isn’t the best flavour, I’m sorry, you’re wrong.
What did you guys think? Is there any that I missed? Let me know in the comments if you have any tips for surviving the Summer season!
Featured Image Caption: Kawana Beach, Queensland